Sometimes I wonder if I’m really fit to teach.
I struggle with being actively social.
I’m generally not a patient person.
I can’t learn another language to save my life, it seems.
I prefer working on my own, unsupervised.
I don’t know how to push myself to get shit done.
The only reasons I imagine myself teaching is because I want to make a difference in student’s lives. Whether it’s through ESL or Japanese I want to be able to change a student’s perspective on learning and help them learn something that fires a spark inside of them to where they want to learn and soak up all of this information available to them, even if it my not be in something I teach them. If I can foster an environment where students want to learn, that’s all I want out of them. I don’t want to be the teacher that just hands out shit and doesn’t create a welcoming learning environment and force my students to follow the textbook verbatim. I want to challenge my students to do better than what they’re used to but make it fun. I want to teach them the benefits of learning a language and how they can use those skills in whatever they want to study, even if it isn’t in a foreign language.
But how can I expect myself to do that when I can’t even do it for myself?
I don’t want to be stuck at this office job scanning papers all day. It’s been almost 9 months and I am already itching for something new. San Antonio has nothing left to offer for me. I want to move somewhere I can be challenged and be around people that want to see me do well.
Dallas would be great, really. Or Houston. Or Austin. Anywhere but here would be nice.
Sometimes I wonder if I’m really fit to teach.
Losing that puny, ripoff of a #vapewand I had before was probably a good thing. #upgrade #cucumbermint #nonicotine #vape #vaping
One Big Balancing Act
It’s probably a good thing that my social life is nonexistent because I need all the time I can get to try and balance everything I want to do.
I’ve been putting off this TOEFL certification online course for too long and I need to get on it before mid-May, otherwise I can’t get my 100-hour certification and the only way to get it is to pay for the course again. AND when I do finish it, I have to complete some paperwork for my job so I can try and get tuition reimbursement from it.
And I HATE online courses. No matter what the subject is, I have a lot of difficulty retaining anything I learned from this kind of learning environment. It’s easier to get distracted with something else on the computer, and it’s harder to round up study buddies and work on stuff together… if that makes any sense. The two or three Japanese language and culture courses I took online? Don’t remember shit, which is really sad. Neither do I remember the two online courses I took over one summer after freshman year, but hey, those were basics, ok. That’s why I’m glad I did an ESL course where at least part of the curriculum is taken place in a physical classroom setting. Language is much harder to teach without an actual “voice” present. I may consider myself a visual learner, but I need that physical educational environment in order to feel productive.
I’ve also slipped up on the gym for over a month (save one day), but now that I have a guide that one of my best friends supplied me, I feel more prepared to take it on. It’s just a matter of having the motivation to start it and keep at it.
Sleep is something I need bad. As much as I tell myself to get to bed around 10pm, I still don’t hit the sheets until between midnight and 1am (in extreme cases, 2am or after). I can’t do that to myself anymore. Among other things, it’s affected my productivity at work (at a time where they’ve bugged me for being a little too sluggish getting work done; my health has certainly become affected by it) my growing issue with hair thinning/loss (loooooool) seems to be getting even worse, I fall prey to junk food more easily, and even when I get the energy and motivation to go to the gym after work, I pussy out and go straight home instead.
(As I write this, it’s 5 minutes to midnight. Sigh.)
I haven’t bothered keeping up with Spanish and Japanese studies too much because I’m so busy with work, aside from changing the interface language, plus I only have so much free time after work to get any studying done, especially when I throw in working out and post-work errands in the mix; I feel anxious that I won’t have time to just relax and bullshit around. So my plan is to devote my ESL cert studies on weekends in order to give myself more time to devote on completing the courses in a timely matter, study Spanish and Japanese during my lunch break instead of cramming it in whenever I can, progress into sleeping at earlier times… did I miss something?
Oh yeah, gym time. The gym will definitely ease a lot of these anxieties, and then some. Perfect timing that I have to help my mom for one of her aerobic classes tomorrow. I’ll just work out right after work, then all I have to do is wait on her.
To… a new start. In April. Ah, well… better late than never is what I always say.
Although I have to wait yet another year for the chance to go back to Japan and teach English, it’s humbling to know that there are people rooting for me to pursue my dream.
And I should do the same for them.
I don’t understand white people.
Yall have no problem walking in yalls houses with your shoes on and yall love walking around barefoot outside (especially on concrete)
Makes no sense to me.
forreal that shit is wild
Now now, don’t single out white people…
Latinos do it too, trust. and there’s nothing wrong with walking barefoot on concrete unless it’s summertime.